Image courtesy of makeameme.org
Things are not looking good for Uncle this Diwali. The high-ups are grumpy; times are so bad that they can’t bomb in gay abandon. We Indians may not understand the rest – like global economy, petrodollars, and shit – but the agony of a no-dhamaka-Diwali, most of us can dig. So, we partially understand the belligerent noises along with the accompanying stupid looks that are coming out from Uncle land. You gotta understand that for a tribe ordained by their god to invade places like Iraq or Afghanistan, these are difficult times. If I may be allowed to deviate a little, the Abrahamic god is a particularly nasty-as-they-come breed, himself being responsible for a couple of mass genocide. Under that light, bombing Iraq, Libya, and whatever other places are there in that desert, is perfectly legit. But genocide? Where the average birth-rate puts a Duracell hump-bunny to shame, that, has been a dampener. Add to that the old KGB ass Putin, that yellow bastard Xi, those Persian mothers, that snake under the bed-sheet: Pakistan, nuclear Kim, unclear EU, Assad (by now I am sure that he is a tall Vietnamese with a sharp nose) … and now, even India! God is suddenly facing an opposition that has some clear-cut macro-agenda. That’s why no dhamaka this Diwali for Uncle.
- Germany, France, etc have started participating in Summits and Conferences with Russia, Iran(!) and Turkey that speak about Syrian settlement. WITHOUT UNCLE BEING PRESENT. How is that for starters? They have expressed their appreciation for the Russian proposal of sending humanitarian aids to Syria; am guessing the refugee pressure is so high now that they might even send in money to rebuild the country, if push comes to shove. Ask Floyd Mayweather and he would tell you how to retire with a bang… ask Angela Merkel, and she would tell you how to fade into it.
- The China paradox is another bad feeling up Uncle’s ass. You see, during the Cold War, there was this ideological banner that you could shove on people’s faces and ask them to barricade up for the sake of saving their future generation blah blah blah. WTF do you do now with China? They are bigger capitalists than you. They are a bigger globalizing power than you. They are everywhere; even your Fuck China placards are made in China. Now what? A trade war? That has scaled down just after a month or so; by Uncle Scrooge’s tone. Analysts were guessing that this would continue till 2020, to be shown as a major victory for Uncle just before the elections. But does Uncle have that kinda money to drag this for the next 2 years? I dunno.
- New Delhi – looking like Beni from The Mummy – is learning improve its adaptation strike rate. And learning pretty fast. A leftover from the Bush era was a notion that Uncle would now engage with China in a new Cold War and India would be Uncle’s non-striker. New Delhi had a hard-on just by the whiff of it. This hard-on stayed on during the course of Obama; he touted Pivot Asia long enough before being booted out. And now Trump, with the phone call he made a couple of weeks back to Xi asking him to burry hatchets and forget the trade war has left India in a lurch. Ever crashed into a wall with your tumescent tool-first? Try once; you would realize what new Delhi must be going through now. But the good thing is that Modi, being the astute baniya that he is, has shepherded a quick course correction, in the shape of aligning priorities with Iran, China, and Russia. For Uncle – that’s one more loss.
- Then, today, we have the Second Afghan Conference to be held in Moscow. Uncle had initially agreed on some leeway for the Talibans; went back in his words later. And kept his pressure on Ghani to not participate in the summit. Imagine how laughable this looks on the whole. You have nearly all the representatives and head of states surrounding Afghanistan, you have the chief opposition of Afghanistan… you have them arriving and sitting along like it is expected out of semi-civilized creatures to talk about the future of a tribe… whose head is missing. Makes me wonder – for the first time – about the legitimacy of Ashraf Ghani. I mean, the Taliban controls large swathes of Afghanistan, leaving only Kabul and a couple of other areas to Ghani. So, who is the leader, and who is the opposition here?
- And how can we forget the Khashoggi affair? Uncle ally KSA emerging like a prized-ass, and catalysing a mini-tornado within the back-seat drivers of the establishments… Sultan sitting smug with an unbeatable hand… Russia and China pretending to have attained nirvana in some log cabin in Himalaya… with the entire saga of the Wahhabi-MB ideological war thrown wide open for public scrutiny? With UAE scurrying to open a consulate in Damascus(!), and CIA cozying up to Ankara once again?
Seriously? Donald Trump is still my choice. He is doing a damn good job. Bugger hasn’t started a single new war; is keen rather, to withdraw from the existing ones. Including Yemen (more on that later). He has cooled it with Korea, cut a few strings that bound EU, allowing them a bit of space, he is trying his best with to behave civilized with Russia – this while he is sitting amidst wardogs who would stop at nothing short of a nuclear war… and when he speaks, he speaks shit no doubts, but those who are smart enough know how to look beyond that.
Those that aren’t, of course would vote to bring the democrats back to the house. And since you know the results, you know why no-dhamaka-Diwali makes sense in Uncle-land. You don’t hand over a match box to someone who doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.