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BEING SCROOGE MCDUCK – ARINDAM MUKHERJEE

Scrooge McDuck. One troubled old bird. Ever since he won the primaries. Troubles: that sort of exploded geometrically all around him. And refuse to go.

See, he called off the Iran strike. Could be because of many reasons: this plane in the front, that plane in the back, Iran’s air defence better than anticipated… but they are what they are: Reasons. All you guys that follow international affairs know that reasons never stopped Uncle from waging wars. Once upon a time, Uncle hit whoever Uncle fancied. And now Scrooge resorts to calling off approved hit jobs.

Two kinds of trouble here. When he called the strikes off there were a couple of silent murmurs that could be heard around in the Gulf and in Europe: thank god/allah he called it off… to that effect. The Gulfers are basically softass guys, capable of being medieval only on stuffs that don’t hit back. Like their women, or their Phillipino/ Mallu/ Bangladeshi slaves. The moment the princelings realized that if Iran knew where that drone took off from, they sure had fair amount of intel about their bases, their marbles cluttered the floor. Europe is a different story. They are disgusted currently with a lot of stuffs, and thanks to Scrooge and his declarations about NATO or EU, the customary toeing of Uncle line for a nice show isn’t required anymore. [Beats me why the French and German govts don’t thank Scrooge during their Sunday lunch prayers. This man has done a great service towards the future of their self-determination.]

So that is trouble #1. The coalition of willing has shrunk dramatically on this one.

And trouble #2? #2 is, despite #1 there is still a heavy chunk that want a war. Mostly concentrated within the western hemisphere. Some hidden, some not. [Personally, I think they can still get one. Dress Trudeau up as an alien from Saturn and invade Canada. It won’t be a war sure, but it could keep them busy till the 2020 elections. Trudeau won’t mind too, given his penchant for cross dressing.]

Jokes apart, this Iran crisis is not over yet. There are enough crooks in uncle land. They would try very hard to get a war. White Moustache has a plan and that has the potential to make Scrooge uncomfortable. He has correctly analysed Iran’s position. It is not good. They have accelerated their Uranium enrichment programme. In defiance, or for some other reasons, is for those who are more involved, to study. But… if Iran’s economy is actually on the verge of a collapse, then they might get a little frantic there. What results out of that nervousness is anyone’s guess. If it tilts towards the known unknown, then White Moustache would make sure he pushes hard for it to cross the tipping point. 

Scrooge I guess realizes that. Jumping from one frying pan to the next ever since he took the office – that’s Scrooge McDuck. He could be arrogant narcissistic and inexperienced but unlucky, he isn’t. Not so far. He has, by some miracle (some think it is Russian in nature) managed to outmanoeuvre some of the best brains of the deep state. An amazing number of times. North Korea, Russia, Venezuela, Syria, Afghanistan… Perhaps that’s why while people there got Nobel peace Prize for dropping bombs on Afghan weddings or getting shot in their ass (read ‘head’), Scrooge ‘The Outsider’ McDuck has got nothing but frying pans, one after the next. Anyway, it is perhaps with that realization, he has joined with Vlad and Bibi to seek a way out about Iran. And I would – like always – bet on him (the team, in fact).

Another kind of trouble – this is his own creation – is brewing in Asia. It is Made in China. His brilliant ‘sanction China’ has backfired. Turns out, this end of the sanctions, China isn’t ‘begging’; it is Uncle’s economy that’s ‘limping’… and that’s sure to comeback during the election if he doesn’t change course. Lagarde has warned of a global crisis if Scrooge doesn’t stop behaving like a bully.

Largely speaking then, Scrooge McDuck’s problems are sort of self-created. A – He is an ‘outsider’. B – He refuses to go. C – He heads an economy that’s been built primarily on war and globalized outsourcing. D – He doesn’t want to fight wars. E – He doesn’t want to continue outsourcing. He has gotta choose at least one among D or E to stay in the game.

With that in mind, follow this weekend in Osaka very closely. While there would be people happy to take sides against him when it comes to the result of China sanctions, the same people would probably be siding with him when it came to Iran crisis-control. Don’t forget that the St Petersburg Boys are a part of the Iran equation now, with Bibi.

I would be taking my annual refuge in KIIT University for a week from 30th. To spend some face to face time with the youths of today. Catch you all with more updates after the 10th. Meanwhile keep watching Duck Tales.

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